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NAME

Your Name (they/them/caffeinated)

[Resume][username(at)example(dot)com] [Linkedin:@username][Twitter:@username][Github:@username]

SYNOPSIS

Education: B.S. in Turning Coffee into Code, Stackoverflow University [Expected-2525]

Industry: Cookies & Chrome Inc. [Professional Bug Creator][2023]
404 Not Found Ltd. [Chief Nap Officer][2022]

Research: Department of Rubber Duck Debugging [Head Duck Whisperer][2023]
Institute of Coffee-Driven Development [Bean Counter][2022]

DESCRIPTION

Professional keyboard warrior specializing in converting caffeine into semicolons. Known for debugging code by explaining it to inanimate objects and occasionally fixing problems by turning things off and on again. Currently researching why code works on Friday but breaks on Monday without any changes.

NEWS

[December, 2023]

Successfully convinced the office plant that my code was working as intended. The plant remains skeptical.

[October, 2023]

Set new record: Found missing semicolon after only 3 hours of searching.

→ Read older news

RESEARCH

WHY DO COMPUTERS HATE ME?, Department of Rubber Duck Debugging [2023]

Groundbreaking study into why computers seem to malfunction more frequently when deadlines approach. Key finding: They can smell fear. Secondary finding: Talking nicely to your computer does not improve compile times.

INDUSTRY

COOKIES & CHROME, Professional Bug Creator [2023]

Specialized in writing code that works perfectly until the client demos it. Achieved 99.9% success rate in creating bugs that only appear in production. Mastered the art of writing documentation that makes sense only on Tuesdays.

PROJECTS

CTRL-Z-LIFE --GitHub_link=https://github.com/username/ctrl-z-life

A revolutionary app that lets you undo real-life mistakes. Currently stuck in development because we can’t undo the mistakes we made while building it. Features include: “What Did I Just Delete?” tracker and “Where Did I Put My Keys?” locator.

SERVICE, LEADERSHIP & TEACHING

teaching

HOW TO PRETEND YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING 101 [Fall][2023]

Taught essential skills including advanced Google-fu, strategic keyboard mashing, and how to look busy while waiting for code to compile. Student feedback includes “Finally, practical skills for the real world” and “Best nap time ever.”

EXTRAS

[0] This site has more skins than a snake at a molting party!

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[1] This site is built with Jekyll, because apparently PHP wasn't complicated enough.

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[2] This is linked list themed, because arrays are too mainstream.

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[3] This site has auto dark mode - it knows when you're browsing at 3am instead of sleeping!

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nullptr

Pictured: Me, explaining to the ‘puter why my code should work